7 Reasons Why I Love Being a Working Mom

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I remember the first time someone told me that because I was working, my daughter wouldn’t know I’m her mom. A typical ridiculous comment in the desi community that made my heart boil, and eyes well up with tears(mixture of anger and postpartum hormones)

Why is a women always expected to sacrifice, and forget about herself? We don’t put the guilt on men when they hardly ever give time to their kids or wife. Taking care of a child is not only a mothers job! A fathers job/role is not only to make money.

Being a Working Mom in the Desi Community means mostly dealing with……

Desi aunties think I work because my husband probably doesn’t make enough, because why else would a mom work? Oh poor thing she has to work…..Honey my husband has a flourishing career of his own, and I have the option to stay home if I wanted.

Women are expected to stay home after marriage, and even more after they become a mom. Taking care of her house and family is her biggest accomplishment. For some women that is what makes them happy, if it does, you go girl!! Do you!

One my moms friend said, that a woman can be the president, but if she not taking care of her home she is nothing.

Um……..okay

I disagree!!

I love being a mom and wife, but I also love being a boss!! And going after my own goals and dreams.

Yes its hard, but anything that is worth having, is not easy.

And yes my daughter knows who her mom is!! Me working has not affected our relationship or her well-being. Many are so surprised when they see how close my daughter is to me.

I know that with time it will get better. We have amazing families in the desi community that support their daughters in whatever they choose to do, whether it is to work or stay at home.

I can’t begin to say how lucky I am to have those amazing people in my life. My mom takes care of my daughter when I’m at work, my dad does as well, since he leaves to work later on in the day. My sister is also always there for me on days I need to her to help. My husband supports me in any way I need, always doing house chores, and taking care of Tamanna while I go to my book club meetings, or to hang out with my girls.

My in-laws are in Pakistan, but they are proud of me working, and always wish me success. My mother in law comes to visit us in the summer, she was watching Tamanna while I went to work. She always encouraged me, helped me sooo soo much around the house, and forced me to nap and eat well. It was huge that we never said anything negative about me working. That type of support from a mother in law is not common.

This is not just a problem in the Desi community, but many others!

The USA is not the best at supporting working moms, we are the only developed country that does not offer extended maternity leave. America really needs to work on supporting working mothers. I’m blessed to be a part of an organization that values family life, but not many do not, which is one reason many moms do not choose to work.

I love being a mom, but I am MORE THAN JUST A MOM

Here are 7 Reasons Why I love Being a Working Mom

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  1. I Get to be a Role Model.I show my daughter that she can always follow her dreams, and my son that it’s not only a women’s job to take care of a home. Studies have shown that working moms have a positive impact on their children’s eventual careers and finances. daughters of working moms completed more years of education, were more likely to be employed and in supervisory roles, and earned higher incomes than those who had a stay-at-home mom.
  2. I am Able to be Financially Stable, and have peace of mind knowing that I can take care of myself and my family on my own if ever needed.
  3. I am Less Stressed. One of the biggest fears many women have about being a working mom is the added stress of balancing a full-time job and parenting. Numerous studies, however, report that working moms are not just happier but they also show no increase in psychological distress. “Women who have a child and then leave the workforce, on the other hand, experience major increases in stress and suffer higher rates of depression”
  4. I Have an Excuse to Look Nice. If I didn’t have to leave my home would never get out of their PJs. Having an office to go to gives me the perfect excuse to actually look and feel my best. Im so glad its blazer season!!
  5. I Get to Use my Degree. I have a bachelors, that I worked hard for!! Being able to use my knowledge and skills and apply it my job, along with gaining more knowledge and skills is super satisfying(as well as getting recognition and rewarded for it)
  6. Work Enriches my Marriage. I love sharing my day with my husband, and sharing all the crazy things that happened at work. It promotes interesting conversations, about topics we wouldn’t have touched on, when taking about diapers or a fussy child. He has his tales from the office and I have mine.
  7. I Come Home to a Big Bear Hug. I love going home to my baby, I’ll call out her name  and she ll come running to me with a big streak of excitement, and my heart melts every single time.

 

I will always want what is best for my baby. And personally I believe that me working outside of the home is what is best for her . I want to teach my daughter independence, the value of hard work, the value of education. Her seeing me go to work, and balance my life, always trying to learn new things, giving my all and never giving up on my family or myself teaches her that. Being a working mom allows me to do this, and I wouldn’t have it any other way!IMG_9175

Working as a stay at home benefits your kids. Working out of home benefits your kids! We re all doing it right, and its important to support each other.

WHO RUN THE WORLD?! MOMS!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Day I Become a Mother. Natural Birth Story.

 

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I have been trying to find the time to type up my birth story and publish it. I wrote it all in my journal while Tamanna was in the hospital nursery, so i wouldn’t forget the details.

Since I did not want an epidural, I had been mentally and physically preparing myself for a natural birth. I was very active during my pregnancy. I had a normal pregnancy so I was given the okay from the doctor. Staying active helps decrease labor time. I would walk at least 3 miles 5 times a week, did prenatal yoga, danced. I also worked all the way till the end of my pregnancy. I labored mostly at home, because I wanted to reach the hospital when it would be to late for an epidural.

So heres how it all happened.

Around 3 a.m. on March 8, I started feeling period cramps. They were light and not painful, so I was able to sleep thru 6a.m. I went to use the bathroom and had a bloody show, this was along with contractions that were not strong. I called my midwife, and she said I should be fine unless my water breaks and contractions are five minutes apart. An hour later I started getting contractions five minutes apart but after 30-35 minutes they would come every 10-12 minutes. I called my mom telling her I wasn’t feeling good(I didn’t tell her I was in early labor because she would freak out and make me go to the hospital) and asked her if she could come over. She said she would come later on in the afternoon. My sister was off that day so she came over instead. She got to my house at around 8 am and contractions were much stronger now. But they then stopped for a whole hour.

I had read that early labor can last up to 8-12 hours and then active labor is 3-5 hours. This can vary from women to women. I called my husband, we had a date night planned out, I told him we probably won’t be going out tonight. She will be here by the evening today(she was born 8:16 pm)!!!

“Really?No wayyyy”. he replied.

I wasn’t due until March 23rd. I was 37 weeks and 6 days.

My sister was with me for early labor, I told my husband to stay at work for now. She massaged my back through every contraction. I was using my breathing and early labor exercises I had learned about.

Contractions were getting more intense, i felt it all in my lower back, its like a striking pain!!! Way worse than I had imagined!! But I was breathing and exercising not letting those contractions take over me. Gosh I’m crying now just thinking about it. My sister would come in the room when she would hear me moan and massage my back while i was on the exercise ball. I was making sure to drink a lot of fluids, i didn’t have much of an appetite but i ate some bread and biscuits, i didn’t want to eat anything heavy. but being hydrated is key!!

I would lay down, do light exercises, yoga, early labor exercises in between contractions. I took a shower, brushed my hair, and put on my coconut oil. I also used my essential oils(lavender). Around 2 pm my parents came over, they had told my husband and sister to take me to the hospital. I did not want to go to hospital I wanted to labor as much as I could at home. I knew once I got to the hospital, and had a strong contraction, and someone asked if i wanted an epidural i would say YESSS, pleaseeee. My husband knew i wanted to labor at home I had been talking to him about how I wanted to deliver.

So my parents personally came over to take me the hospital, they know how stubborn I am. They got to my place and I told them look im fine. My dad sat outside with my husband and my mom was with me in the room. She saw me have a contraction, ran to my dad and said that I need to go the hospital now.

I telling them nooo im fine, i want to go when my contractions are five mins apart for an hour. Right now they were only 10-12 minutes apart, occasionally five mins apart for half an hour. I kept telling myself and everyone else that I’m fine, im fineeee.

But they were not taking no for an answer, my mom looked so scared, that i decided to go to the hospital have them check me and then come home, and then send my parents home. The hospital is 3 blocks from my house, so this didn’t take long.

My midwife said I was effaced and 2 centimeters. Damn i thought all that and im only 2 centimeters!! I told her I live near and will come back when contractions are closer. My parents didn’t like the idea of me going back home. I told them i came to the hospital for you guys and the midwife says its fine if I go back home. I went back home continued to exercise on my exercise ball and breathe, goshh I was so uncomfortable. But with every contraction I told myself that this will pass, my body has the power to get through this, and I need to be strong, and soon I will have my sweet baby.

So I sent my parents home, assuring them I was fine(even though I wanted to bite off the wallsssss). They had seen me holding on to a tree trunk on the way back from the hospital when a contractions came through, and after it was over, I would be like im fine im fine. They looked at me like i was crazy. My husband continuing to massage my back through this all.

Around 5pm, contractions got strong!!!! Then even worse at 6 30. But i continued to breathe and kept telling myself im going to be okay. I would put my hand against a walll and sway back and forth, while husband massaged my back, telling me I will be okay. At this point I just couldn’t anymore, and my husband’s voice was annoying me!!!!! He kissed my forehead and I screamed at him!!!

It was getting very tough, there was fruit and a knife on my table and told my husband to put the knife away, because I was honestly thinking of hurting myself just to end the pain, either that or I was going to kill my husband!!

Than contractions got very strong, it was now hard for me to speak or stand! I could no longer breathe or relax. Contractions had been five minutes apart for 40 mins and now they were strong as hell, that pain you get down your lower back is indescribable I had never felt anything like it before.

Contractions were now coming so fast and strong that I could no longer log them in my birthing center app. I told my husband that its time to go the hospital. He asked if he should call an ambulance, in my head i calculated that it would take an ambulance longer and i didn’t want to wait. I will just walk the five-minute distance. At this point I was ready to pick up a tree and just throw it at something.

We head to the hospital, on the way I had about 6 contractions. I still remember holding on to fences and tree trunks, trying to get through a contraction. When we were a block away, I felt so much pressure down there, i had the urge to push, I felt like I had to poop. I knew that feeling meant it was my baby. I tried not to push, afraid she would come out in the street. Thinking about that moment is making me tear up so much. I was so scared, but i had to be brave. I wanted to just lay down right there in the street. But I took out the strength to keep walking. We get to the labor and delivery department, and they’re like hi, how far are contractions? Husband replied five minutes, while im having another contraction, I put up 2 fingers shaking my head, im like nooo twoooo, twoo minutes apart. They told me which room to go to so they can attach me to a baby monitor and check to see how far along I am. My nurse was rude, she sucked!! Was not nice at all, and told the staff that I might kill someone, because I had hit my husband.

I couldn’t sit, stand, lay down or talk, I just couldn’t. Changing into the robe seemed impossible, i had a hat on that i threw across the room, At this point i was soooo tireddddd. She kept telling me to breathe thru my nose, but all I wanted to do was punch her in the nose. Then she told me look, your baby isn’t getting oxygen! That scared me so much, even though i knew i would just have to change my position and try to breathe. But she showed me a paper that came out of the baby monitor that showed a straight line. I was so freaked outtt, and i hated that she spoke to me that way, you do not do that to a laboring woman! I layed on my side and just tried to breathe.

My midwife came in and the first thing she asked me was if i wanted an epidural, I told her Yesssss!! my husband looked at me and said are you sure babe? He knew how much I didn’t want one, and had seen me labor all this time at home and on the street. I told him yes, I want it. The midwife checked me and I was 7 centimeters, they take me to the delivery room and my water broke!

She checked me and said its to late for an epidural and that I need to push. A part of me was so happy to hear those words!!!

oh fuckkk I screamed(by now the whole hospital and heard me cursing). I was soo tiredd, I had no idea how I was going to get through this. My husband was holding my back with one hand and my hand in the other. There were also two women volunteers there as well. Theyre telling me push, and I couldn’t long enough. I felt like my lips were going to tear apart. I was sweating like crazyyy.

Longer, stronger, longer, stronger they would say and I couldn’t. I kept trying to push and push. I felt every stretch and tear, my rectum and vagina had become one! it was excruciating pain!!! With every push I felt my down there tear. I was getting too tired now, I saw the doctor come in, which meant something was wrong. They’re probably going to have to take her out with a the vacuum I thought. I asked whats going on, and they said nothing Fatima, just push now. I pushed and she was now crowning. My midwife said we see her head Fatima push!!I tried, but it wasnt strong enough. While we waited for the next contraction, my husband said Jaan, i see our baby, our baby is almost here, you can do this!!! One strong push and we will have our baby. I took a deep breath and pusheddd, and felt that ring of fireeee they all talk about, which out of the whole labor was the most painful. It feels like fire and thornssss, like a monster is trying to rip out of you. I remember screaming sooo loud, I could not breathe and literally felt like i was going to die. One more push they kept screaming, i felt like my lips had teared open, but i pushed so damn hard, while i was screaming my lungs out and then……..

our baby, I saw her the back of her, her little butt and full head of hair. I was soo relieved, and my legs were shakinggg, my husband crying with joy. They didn’t put her on me directly, they had to check her. I wanted to skin to skin immediately, but didnt get that.

I saw my baby from far, while they checked her. The midwife had to stitch me up. they use a numbing injection, but gahhh i felt it all,that thread going thru you is……..hell.

But then finally we held our baby, she was looking up and me with her big eyes and i couldn’t believe it. The most beautful baby I had ever seen. Me and husband crying and smilling, our Tamanna, our Tamanna is here. That was the most beai=utfuk feeling in the world. My baby, my baby, I cried. And then when she latched on and breastfeed, it was absolutly amazing. March 8 on Women’s day at 8:16 pm Tamanna arrived.

I remembered long before me and my husband started living together, we talked about having kids. I asked him if having a son or daughter mattered to him, he said it did not, and whatever we had would be a blessing. I want a daughter first thou, i said. She would be strong, smart, independent girl, an inspiring role model. Having a daughter first is my wish, and thats what her name will be, Tamanna which means wish/desire.  I had said those words 3 years back, and that day I had her in my arms. She was a surprise, I had her while i was on birth control pills. But I thank Allah for choosing me to be Tamanna’s mother, and blessing me with a beautiful angel. Allah is the best of all planners.

I wanted to have a natural labor, I had done my research and did not want an epidural. Epidurals are not even FDA approved, don’t believe me?google it! America has women thinking they can’t go through childbirth, even though women have been doing it for years, our bodies have the ability to birth a child. But hospitals have made it a business. Yes there are women that are in risky situation, where an epidural can do wonders. I can go on and on about this issue, but i’ll leave that for another blog. Please watch the business of being born on Netflix, I definitely recommended it, tell all your girl friends to watch it too.Nothing against women who have gotten an epidural that’s your right and if you want one, no one should tell you otherwise!!! The important part is that mommy and baby are healthy and happy!!! 

I was proud of myself for being able to go through labor without an epidural and for staying at home for most of my labor. I had a burst of energy after the delivery, and felt amazing. My recovery was quick as well. I was able to easily walk and move around a hour after the delivery(ofcourse was very uncomfortable down there, I had padsicles for that, which helped alot!!). Being able to birth a baby, and your husband watching you go through it feels very empowering. He was so proud of me and commending me for being so brave. I was so proud of my husband, he deserves some props too!!! He didn’t freak out and remained calm, while i was just, well in labor. He motivated me so much, i honestly could have not done it without him.

Please please do your research. Educate yourself, this will empower you!! If there is one piece of advice i can give expecting mothers is read and read about pregnancy and labor, don’t listen to what anyone has to say, but your doctor and well resourced articles and books. Ofcourse you can not control how you labor or delivery will go, but knowing the stages of labor and what to expect and knowing hospital procedures is extremely important. Not everything doctors do are beneficial, know your rights and options. Every woman is different, we all have different experiences, so do not compare your experience to anyone elses. At the end of the day we re all mothers, trying to the best we possibly can for our little ones. I have so much respect for all mothers out there, you all are incredibly strong, and way more powerful than you believe.

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DIY Postpartum Basket

This is the excerpt for your very first post.

Cant believe I’m saying this but today I am 37 weeks and 6 days pregnant (at the time I didn’t know I would be giving birth the next day)!!This pregnancy has taught and changed me so much(lets leave that for another blog). As soon as I found out I was pregnant(after being shocked and all those other emotions)the first thing I did was buy books on pregnancy and I researched and researched. I wanted to know everything that was happening in my body, all the changes, everything I could do to stay healthy and keep my baby healthy. I wanted to be prepared and educated on what was going on and what was going to happen. Doing this helped me alottttt throughout my pregnancy, I felt empowered knowing I have the information, and it definitely made me less scared and nervous.Every time a new symptom would show up, I would tell my husband oh!but that’s normal in this stage of pregnancy.

My goal was too be prepared by 37 weeks. I have my hospital bag ready, baby’s space is ready, library wall done, clothes washed and organized, and my postpartum and nursing baskets ready. I still have to deep clean the house, make lactation cookies and muffins and freeze meals. I’m hoping to do all that this weekend.

This blog will be about my DIY postpartum basket

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So delivery doesn’t scare me as much as postpartum does. Everyone talks about there birth stories but not many talk about what happens after!! So this mama to be did her research and wants to be able to do as much as she can to recover after a beautiful little human being emerges from her lady part.Yikes!!

There will be a lot of TMI after this point.

So after you give birth there will be a lot of burning and itching down there, you will probably tear. Using the bathroom will not be blissful which is why you should take that stool softener!! Being constipated after delivery doesn’t sound fun at all.

Alot of things will be happening to you physically this includes bloody vaginal discharge, abdominal cramps as your uterus contracts back to its normal size. You will also experience perineal discomfort and pain, if you had a vaginal delivery.

Walking and sitting will be uncomfortable, as well as difficulty urinating for a day or two and discomfort with bowel movements for the first few days as well.

Of course these things will vary from woman to woman.

You want to make sure you don’t get an infection, so taking good perineal care is very important.

Make sure you use a fresh maxi pad at least every four to six hours.

Avoid dragging germs from the rectum toward the vagina while removing the pad.

Pour or squirt warm water

Here is what you can do to help with all that.

Make Padsicles. I came across this on Pinterst. This is very simple and all you need are pads, Aloe Vera gel, witch hazel and lavender oil.

I have interested clips on the steps below.

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First you open the pad, then add aloe vera gel, then the witch hazel, and then the lavender oil. After you complete these steps you can close the pad back up. You can store these in zip loc bags.

You want to try to make a bag or two of these and put them in the freezer before you go into labor. So try to do this by 37 weeks.

Another product that is a postpartum game changer is the Dermoplast extra strength hospital spray,  I have read and heard great things about this product. Many hospitals give this to new mamas, but just in case they don’t ,buy your own. You can also purchase pre witch hazel tucks pads.

My DIY postpartum basket contains maxi pads, heavy overnight ones and regular ones, since your blood flow will change. It also has the Dermoplast spray, lavender oil, aloe gel and witch hazel.

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Since I ended up giving birth the following day!!!!

I wasn’t able to post this blog. The good thing about that is that I can tell how guys if this helped me or not. And I can say that I am sooooo glad I made those padsicles. After you give birth your vagina swells up a lot!! At the hospital they give you an ice pack to put in your underwear, which isn’t at all comfortable and felt wayyy to cold, since the ice pack is a bit thick.

They definitely helped the discomfort a lot, the aloe gel felt amazing. I stopped using padsicles after a week, and just put aloe gel and witch hazel,sprayed the Dermoplast and lavender oil without freezing the pad.

The hospital will give you a peri bottle which you can use you wash yourself down there with warm water. You want to be very gentle and use soft napkins to pat dry, or use a blow dryer to dry yourself.

Keep your hands off the area until healing is complete.

Also make sure you take stool softeners, even after you leave the hospital!!!!!!

You also want to make sure you stay hydrated during labor and also after, because it is very important for you too urinate after delivery.

Another thing that helps a lot are sitz baths, you can soak for bottom for about 20 mins and thus helps the stitches help. This also helps if you have trouble urinating after delivery. I didn’t get an epidural so I was able to walk around after delivery which also helped.

Leakage is normal, its either you cant let go of the urine or it lets go of it too easily. Kegel exercises is also recommended for everyone postpartum. This can help restore restore the tone and help you regain control over the flow of urine.

Giving birth is an amazing experience, but since your perineal area went through trauma you want to make sure you take lots of care of yourself, and get lots of rest mama!!